In this short but comprehensive male chastity guide I want to cover some of the most pressing and important points about the lifestyle from the perspective of someone who's new to it.
The reason I want to do this now is when I first started along this journey, I often found myself lost, confused, bewildered and even a little frightened by the mass of conflicting, contradictory, and, in my opinion harmful information out there.
So in this brief guide, I'll just sum up the main points and cover them in enough detail to get you started.
Start at the Beginning
Before we begin, it's important to realise having a chastity husband is nothing new, not "wrong" and certainly nothing for you to be afraid of, whether you're a man who's coming to terms with his desires (and maybe even struggling with them ), or a woman whose man has confessed his interests to her and perhaps desire for male chastity to you and you're looking for information.
First, let's look at what we usually mean when we talk about chastity. In everyday life we tend to treat chastity and celibacy as being the same. For our purposes, though, in this male chastity guide we'll assume a big difference:
Chastity: what we normally mean is chastity and orgasm denial. So what we're not talking about is simply not having sex or engaging in sexual activity. Far from it: couples who embrace the male chastity lifestyle find themselves having not only having increased sexual activity, but actually enjoying it far more than they believed possible.
What we're talking about is the woman taking control of her man's orgasm and not allowing him to have on unless she says he can, even if you're getting him to please you in other ways not involving making love, or even if you 're making love, not allowing him to orgasm.
As you go through this male chastity guide, you'll see why a man would want this, why you'd want to give it to him, and the benefits to both of you.
Celibacy, on the other hand, is where you simply do not have sexual activity, perhaps because you're single, or you're unable to have sexual relations for whatever reason, or you've taken a vow of celibacy or perhaps some other reason. Interestingly, someone who's celibate may well have more orgasms than someone who's embracing the male chastity lifestyle, simply because a celibate man can masturbate, whereas a chaste male can not.
I'll say more about celibacy in a moment and why if this you're celibate but in a relationship, male chastity might not be right for you.
Whom Is Male Chastity For?
I'll go out on a limb here and say almost any fundamentally sound relationship will benefit from male chastity, and that includes gay couples (perhaps surprisingly!). The reasons are both complex and simple at the same time, as you'll discover in this male chastity guide.
In fact I'll edge out even further on the limb and claim if you're an average healthy woman or gay man and you enjoy a healthy sex-life (or have in the past) and you're not ridiculously prudish about sex or painfully shy, then … you've almost certainly already engaged in male chastity play.
Why do I say this?
Because male chastity lies on a continuum, from brief orgasm denial and teasing at one end of the scale, all the way to permanent orgasm denial at the other (I'll say a little about this later in this brief male chastity guide). And most men and women, if not every man and woman has at some time delighted in teasing their partner at some point by delaying orgasm even if only for a few minutes.
And if you've done that … then … congratulations!
You've already experienced male chastity.
And you both loved it, did not you? Even if he complained in the most delicious way at the time.
Whom Is Male Chastity NOT For?
If you're in a relationship and you really do not like each other (or even if one of you does not like the other) and you're living in mutual celibacy through choice because you just can not stand the thought of him touching you (it usually is women who feel this way, sadly), then other than the comments I make here, this male chastity guide will not help you.
If you're in this situation and your man has come to you with the idea of living a male lifestyle chastity and you find your heart leaping for joy because you can see it as a great way of ensuring you never have to have any kind of sexual contact with him ever again … then I think you're making a big mistake.
Because he's doing this out of a desire to have more sexual contact with you, not less!
And if you're a man reading this hoping it's going to help rekindle the ashes of a burned out relationship, the same comments apply: the chances are it's simply not going to work. On the contrary, it's going to hurt you both a lot more in the long run.
If you can see yourself and your own relationship in the above few paragraphs, then I suggest you stop reading this male chastity guide and instead think seriously about proper relationship counselling, and ultimately be prepared to end it so you can both move on with your lives .
Why Would Anyone Embrace the Male Chastity Lifestyle?
Ultimately this simple male chastity guide is about pointing you in the right direction to uncover the strategies and techniques aimed at dramatically improving your relationship by vastly improving the affection you feel for one another, making you grow even closer together, and allowing you to nurture a far richer, deeper and more loving understanding of each other's sexuality than you have now.
Assuming your underlying relationship is strong and your love for one another remains undiminished, even if the fires of passion are not now burning so bright as they once did, male chastity is definitely something to consider at least trying.
How to Start with Male Chastity
There is only one purpose to male chastity: and that is to improve your relationship and thereby improve your entire life.
And for that reason it's important to realise no matter how you approach it, what you do or how you choose to implement the male chastity lifestyle, if it's right for you both than that's all that matters.
You might think that's an odd thing for me to say, but remember one of the reasons for writing this male chastity guide was there is so little good information about that's not tainted with nonsense, fantasy and downright bad ideas.
Now, how to start with male chastity is … to start at the very beginning.
There is a temptation to dive right in at the deep-end by rushing out and buying a chastity device and hoping you can snap it shut and remain chaste for a month or two. And you will indeed read accounts like that all over the Internet.
And they're lies.
No, I can not prove it and you are free to believe them if you wish, but no one who has genuine real-life experience with male chastity is going to give them the slightest bit of credibility.
The reasons we know they're just fantasy are many and varied, but please, for now in this basic male chastity guide, just take it from me male chastity is like any other aspect of your relationship: you do not want to rush into it and at best be disappointed and at worst unnecessarily spoil something wonderful you would not have spoiled if you'd just taken your time.
Now, I'm going to assume at this point, you're both sitting reading this male chastity guide together or at least you're both at a point where you're talking about the male chastity lifestyle as something you're willing to explore.
There are many easy, comfortable and safe ways to broach the subject to your partner whether you're a man or a woman, but one very simple way I share with you in another article is to use male chastity stories.
First, begin with some gentle chastity play. Agree beforehand you expect him to please you any way he likes, but make it clear you will not allow him to make love to you and he'll have to use his imagination.
Massage is a good place to start, and then remember he has fingers and a tongue (use your imagination, too … this is a male chastity guide not a sex manual!).
The first few times it might be difficult because it's new territory for both of you. Promise him you'll make love to him again in the morning and allow him release if he does a good job tonight. That way he's not got too long to wait and is unlikely to get sulky (he will not mean to, but it's new for him, too).
After a few times you can lengthen the time you're going to make him wait a little: perhaps the next night, or the weekend.
If this is working well and you both feel comfortable with the next stage, you can invest in a simple chastity device. Now, there are literally hundreds of devices on the market and you can pay anything from £ 90 for a basic plastic device to over £ 1,000 for a bespoke made-to-measure high-tech stainless-steel chastity belt.
My advice in this male chastity guide is to go for something simple and affordable, like the plastic devices and see how you get on. In our experience simple play, the plastic device was fine but it did not suit us at all for long-term wear. Having said that, some people find them suitable and effective for long-term use.
All you can do is see how it is for you.
Just do not get your hopes up too much too quickly.
Even if the device is comfortable you might find when he gets really turned on it is extremely uncomfortable and painful for him, and while some women claim that's a fitting "punishment", that's not my kind of thing – this is a male chastity guide, not a guide for Dominatrixes! I want to deny his orgasm and have him wanting me like mad not in pain from constricted, sore and swollen testicles!
At some point, you're going to find you want to progress a little. Now, there are no hard and fast rules about this and it's so important to find what suits you and your partner rather than trying to conform to what so many people in the "scene" will say you "should" do. Believe me, some can get quite unpleasant if you do not live your life and treat your husband or lover how they think he ought to be treated.
Ultimately you'll reach a level at which you feel comfortable, and to some extent that's going to dictate the kind of device you end up with. In general in this male chastity guide I'd say get the most expensive device or belt you can afford because in my experience there's nothing quite so disappointing as a device you have to take off because it's unsuitable for wearing for the length of time you want him to wear it for!
Two Final Pieces of Advice
As I mentioned before, you'll eventually find out what works best for you both and that's the only thing you should worry about.
However, there are two points I'll make in this male chastity guide which I consider to be "universals", in that everyone I've ever spoken to who has successfully incorporated male chastity into their relationship.
First, remember this is supposed to be fun for both of you. I know there's an element of teasing in it but you need to be the judge of when his "no" means "yes", and when "no" really does mean "no".
The second is you must be firm. Yes, it seems contradictory to what I've just said but you must remember he has asked for this, or he's at least consented to it if the idea's your own.
The truth is, he wants you to be firm with him. He might want to orgasm but he craves your denial of it.
This can not be stressed enough in any male chastity guide.
For example, my husband, John, whom I keep in strict male chastity and orgasm denial, sometimes for months on end, will sometimes beg me not to let him orgasm because the feeling of being "in the zone" is so incredibly profound.
More to the point, when it becomes too much and he begs for release, if I do not let him (I never do if he's begging for it … that's one of my rules), then while he moans and groans at the time … afterwards he thanks me for being so strong and cruel.
In the early days I would give in … and he always told me afterwards I should not have done. Männer!
To Sum Up
The male chastity lifestyle is exciting, pleasurable and extremely rewarding for you and your partner.
But like any lifestyle, it takes some thought and work to get it exactly right. Most important of all is it's your life and you should do things your way.